I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
