And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
