I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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