I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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