I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
