Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
