I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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