i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like iHOP with fire
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
