I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
