Swine flu is the new snow day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
