She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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