i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
