and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
