my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
