Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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