I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
