Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
