I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
