yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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