I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
