Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
