So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
