I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
