My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
