oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
