Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
