How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
