So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
