I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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