Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
