I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
