Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
