ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
