He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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