Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We left the knife in your bed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
