You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
