he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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