Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
