There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
