I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
