so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
