I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
