the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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