I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
