Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
