I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
