he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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