we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
vagina is talking i cant
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
