I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
