my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
