So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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